Wanting
by isabella2004
Summary: Matt Burke is left reeling after being betrayed by the same woman for the second time. Drowning his sorrows, will he find comfort with the only other woman he's ever truly wanted?
1. Chapter 1

**I love Taggart, but I've never posted any of my fanfiction because it's based around an OC character called Christina Taylor who (in my little universe) was/is Michael's wife/widow and I've never written a back story for her - she's just always been in my world. But after watching Taggart the other night (poor Jackie and that ginger guy...) I found this on my computer and thought I would just post it anyway. I will post more but thought I would start with this! It's set just after the events of Judgement Day. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Wanting**

"I thought I might find you here."

Matt Burke looked up to see Christina Taylor standing a few feet away, what looked suspiciously like a Gin and Tonic in her hand. He _was _surprised, despite her not being. It was the last place he had expected to run into her that evening. "Am I that predictable?" he asked, downing the last of his whisky.

"Not exactly," she replied, "mind if I join you?"

"Course not," he said waving her into the empty spot beside him. She sat down heavily, placed her bag on the floor and started to shrug off her jacket. The faintest hint of her perfume reached him. A concoction of coconut and white linen.

She held up her glass as he was about to take a sup of his pint. "Cheers."

He returned the sentiment by clinking her glass. "What brings you here?" he asked finally.

"I…wanted to make sure you were all right," she replied. "It can't have been easy. Listening to Kathy confess I mean." He didn't say anything. "I'm sorry you had to…"

"Yeah well," he interrupted her, "these things happen, don't they?" He took another gulp of alcohol.

"Matt." The way she said his name made her look at her. "You don't have to pretend with me."

"Don't I?" She looked away, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. "I should have known," he continued, "the convenient way she brought up Morgan's problem with Shearer." He shook his head, "No fool like an old fool."

"It wasn't your fault," she tried to reassure him, "You trusted her."

"Why?" he looked at her again, "Why did I trust her? I hadn't seen the woman for twenty-three years. Not since she jilted me. Why would I believe anything she said?" He searched her face for an answer.

"Because you loved her," she replied, "perhaps a part of you still does."

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head, "not any more. She sat with me in that restaurant and apologised and told me she understood and all the time…" he broke off and took another long drink. "She must have seen me coming."

"Don't," she said, "torturing yourself like this doesn't help. Believe me, I know."

He looked over at her and saw the genuine empathy, "You do, don't you?"

She looked down at the table, "After Michael died, I drove myself crazy thinking about all the things we had, or hadn't, said to each other. All the petty arguments about the Innes murder, about you…" she trailed off. "It broke my heart that we had parted on bad terms. That I never got the chance to say goodbye to him. But pain like that only hurts you more in the long run."

He suddenly felt a desperate need to apologise to her. "I'm not sure I ever told you I was sorry."

"Of course you did."

"I maybe said it in the course of things as you do but…" he shook his head, "I'm not sure I ever said it and really meant it." He paused, "I _am _sorry."

She smiled ruefully, "It was a long time ago now."

"Yeah."

"Seven years."

He was surprised, "That long?"

"Seems like only yesterday sometimes, doesn't it?" She smiled at him, "You certainly weren't my favourite person back then."

"I don't think I was anyone's favourite person back then," he conceded.

"It was a difficult time for you too."

"That's you all over, Chris," he said with a small laugh, "Always thinking of others."

"You make me sound like Mother Theresa," she laughed, "and that's something I'm _definitely _not." She paused, "Would you have wanted another chance with her?"

"Who, Mother Theresa?"

She made a face, "Kathy."

He looked down into his half-drunk pint, "I don't know. Maybe. Or maybe I was just looking for it to be back the way it was all those years ago, even though it never could be."

"What are we like, eh? Sat in this pub drowning our sorrows while Stuart's out at some…rave party night and Robbie's probably warming the bed of some comely blonde."

"Don't forget Jackie," he reminded her.

"As if I could. She mumbled something earlier about going out but she didn't elaborate."

"Hot date?"

"Maybe. I'd like to see her settled with someone else. I know the divorce hit her hard and then, what with Brian dying…"

"Nobody gets it easy, do they?" he observed.

"No," she agreed, draining her glass, "they don't."

"Fancy another?" he offered, finishing his pint.

She held out her empty glass, "Why not?"

XXXX

"My father's a Chief Superintendent. _Was _a Chief Superintendent and he ruled our house the same way he ruled his station. With a rod of iron." Christina took another long gulp. "I half expected him to make me and my brother line up for inspection like in The Sound of Music."

Matt laughed, "Did you grow up in Aberdeen?"

"Do I sound like her off _River City_?" Christina glared jokingly at him, "No, he was at Govan for twenty years. He and Mum only moved to Aberdeen after he retired. He came from up there originally and he wanted to go back and buy this wee cottage he'd always had his eye on as a youngster. That was…nine years ago now."

"And your brother?" Matt downed his latest whisky chaser.

"Area sales manager for some pharmaceutical company that I can never remember the name of," she replied, "Earns good money from it too. Married, three kids, lives in Bearsden."

"Are you close?"

Christina made a face, "He's more of your golf on a Saturday while Valerie hits the shops and the kids go to football, Italian classes and ballet. Andrew's eleven, Katy's nine and Lucy's three."

"Three year old's do ballet?"

"So I'm told. They're nice kids but…" she shook her head, "growing up to be spoilt brats. Mum and Dad dote on them. Christmas is always fun in a kind of 'let's drink as much as possible and pray we get through it' way."

"You and Mike never wanted kids?"

It was the million dollar question. She looked at the table top. "Sure we did. Tried for nearly all of our marriage but it never happened."

"I'm sorry."

"Wasn't meant to be," she waved her hand dismissively, "Anyway, if we'd had kids, I'd have been a widowed mother and my life might not have been able to go on the way it has."

"Working for a wonderful boss like me you mean?" he quipped.

"Exactly." She looked at him again, "What about your son?"

"David? He lives in London with his mother. I don't see him very often."

"What is it with policemen and families?" she asked, "You, Robbie…"

"Well my divorce wasn't exactly amicable," he explained, "I wanted to come back to Glasgow and she refused to even consider it. He wanted to stay with her so…"

"How often do you see him?"

"Couple of times a year, when he can be bothered making the trip. He's seventeen now. I suppose he'd rather go out and get pissed with his mates than come up to see his old dad."

It was her turn to apologise, "Sorry."

"It's just the way it is."

"Funny isn't it," she said, "how not one of us is in a happy relationship."

"You would be, if Michael was still here."

"Yeah," she conceded, "but he isn't, is he?"

He weighed up whether to ask the next question and decided that, with the amount he'd drunk, she could always put it down to the effects of the alcohol if she was displeased. "And there's never been anyone else?"

She met his gaze, "Not anyone that I think I can have."

XXXX

"We should do this more often," she said as they stumbled out of the pub at midnight. "I think it would be good for morale, don't you?"

"What, sitting talking about how terribly shitty our lives are?" he said jokingly.

"Oh, come on!" she pushed him playfully, "If I hadn't pitched up, you would have gone home and sat in front of the box watching some crappy programme and feeling sorry for yourself, wouldn't you?"

"Probably."

"And instead, you've had a fun evening out with a cracking looking bird…"

"Oh aye?"

"A cracking looking bird," she insisted, "and you've not really thought about Kathy for the last few hours. Is that not the truth of it?"

"That's the truth of it," he agreed. "Of course, I was actually intending on being able to drive home…"

She started to laugh, "Me too! Oops!"

"Come on," he said, laughing with her, "I'll get you a cab."

"And have me leave you alone to cope with Glasgow on a Friday night?" she said with mock disdain, "Absolutely not. You don't live far from me. We can share."

"Ok," he agreed, flagging down a passing black cab. Opening the door, he gestured to her, "After you."

She climbed in and flopped down in the seat. He followed suit and gave the driver the addresses. "I'm not sure that last G&T was a good idea," she confessed. "If I didn't know you any better, boss, I'd say you were trying to get me drunk."

He laughed, "At least you're sober enough to remember I outrank you."

"Only by two levels," she pointed out. "Besides, I was thinking about putting in for promotion."

He turned to look at her, "Really?"

"Well I've been a DS for well over ten years. I think I'm good enough to be a DI, don't you?"

"Yes but…"

"But what? If Robbie Ross can do it, so can I." She nodded determinedly.

"You'd make a brilliant DI," he said.

"Well then."

"But…I'd lose you off the team." Suddenly, the thought of her not being there hit him hard. Right through any effects of the alcohol he had drunk.

"I don't see why Maryhill couldn't cope with two DI's," she said, "but I suppose…if I had to go…"

"You want to leave?" he felt slightly hurt at the suggestion.

"No," she reassured him, "but there's nothing else in my life right now, is there? If Michael was still here and we had a family then maybe it wouldn't bother me so much. But this is it. _This _is it." She pointed to herself. "Nothing else in my life is going to change so maybe I should change _this._"

"You don't know that nothing else is going to change."

She looked at him, "I'm forty years old, Matt. Forty-one in…three months time."

"So?"

"So, I reckon I'm passed my sell by date when it comes to hot studs looking for romance."

"Don't knock yourself," he said, "you're an attractive woman." Christina turned to look at him again but, before she could say anything, the driver pulled the taxi to a halt. "This is you," he told her.

She kept looking at him, "Do you fancy a coffee?"

"Erm…" he feigned looking at his watch, all the time knowing that he was dying for a coffee.

"Night is young," she cajoled.

"Ok," he said. She started rifling in her bag for her purse. "It's ok, I'll get it."

She grinned, "It's nice to know chivalry is not entirely dead."

XXXX

"Black?" she called from the kitchen.

"With sugar," he replied from where he was standing in the living room surveying the photographs on the wall. He heard the sound of her heels on the laminate flooring and turned to see her coming into the room holding two cups. "You were a beautiful bride," he commented, taking one cup from her and feeling a strange current as their fingers brushed.

"Thank you," she said, coming to stand beside him. "Valerie thought it was morbid of me to move to a new house and then put my wedding photograph on the wall. I think she thinks I should bury every last remnant of Michael and forget he ever existed."

"As if you could do that," he said, "or would want to."

"Exactly." She moved and sat down on one of the sofas, drawing her legs up underneath her, feeling slightly more sober with every passing minute.

"Louise and I got married in a registry office," he confided. "She didn't want a big white wedding."

"You did?"

He shrugged, "I assumed she would so I was a bit taken aback when she said she didn't. In the end, it was probably the best choice we could have made."

"Do you look back fondly or not?"

"Depends on what kind of mood I'm in and how much I've had to drink," he admitted ruefully. "I often think I married her on the rebound. It was only six months after it all fell apart with Kathy that we got married."

"That was fast."

"I suppose it was what you might term a whirlwind romance," he smiled, "maybe that's why it wasn't destined to last. Sex was good though." Christina spluttered into her cup. "Sorry," he laughed, "couldn't resist."

"Too much information," she replied finally. "Way too much." She paused, "And was there never anyone else after your divorce?"

He looked at her, "I suppose I'm a bit like you."

"In what way?"

"Wanting what I can't have."

The air in the room took on the same tension it had in the pub when she had given a similar response to the same question. Why had she really invited him back for coffee? Was it to continue the somewhat jovial conversation they had been having in the pub or was it for some more scandalous purpose? Even as she considered it, she felt her breathing becoming shallower.

He leant forward and put his half drunk cup on the coffee table. "I should go." He got to his feet.

"You don't have to," she said, standing up also, "I mean…you haven't finished your coffee yet."

He looked at her, willing her to understand, "It's late."

She nodded finally, "Ok." Putting her own cup down, she led him out of the living room and back to the front door. Unbolting it and pulling back the chain, she was acutely aware of his presence behind her. She turned to face him. "Thanks for a nice evening."

"Same to you," he replied. Then he moved towards her and she found herself offering her cheek for his proffered kiss. His lips touched her skin briefly before pulling back but he didn't move away from her and she found herself twisting slightly to allow his mouth to meet hers.

After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled back. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely, "I shouldn't have done that."

"I wasn't exactly fighting you off," she replied softly. "Matt…"

"It's complicated," he said, cutting her off, "maybe too complicated."

"Or maybe we've just been telling ourselves that for all these years."

He looked at her, "All these years?"

She knew he was simply being obstructive. "All these years."

"Christina…"

"Matthew." He stopped and looked at her. "I'm too old for games and so, I suspect, are you."

He licked his lips, "I don't understand."

Christina unbuttoned her blouse and let the sheer material fall down her body to the floor, leaving her standing in front of him in her bra. "If I'm wrong," she said, her voice trembling, "tell me now and we forget this ever happened."

He took a deep, shuddering breath, aching to touch her, feeling the uncomfortable swelling in his trousers. "You're not wrong," he said finally. "But this would be."

"Why? Because you're my boss?"

"Amongst other things."

"What other things?" She was nothing if not persistent.

"Like I said," he replied, "it's complicated."

"Ok," she bent and lifted her blouse and he could see the faint tinge of embarrassment on her cheeks. "Ok, forget it," she buttoned it again.

"It's not that I don't want you," he said, trying desperately to make amends, "it's just…"

"It's fine," she said, opening the door, "I understand. Really I do." She waited.

He wanted to say something more, but couldn't. "Goodnight then," he said finally.

"Goodnight," she said. He stepped out and she closed the door behind him.

Out in the cool night air, Matt tried to bring himself back under control. He dialled for another taxi and walked down the street a little to wait for it. Glancing back, he wondered if he would see Christina watching him, but there was no sign of her at the window. Pacing, he wondered if he had done the right thing. She had been stood there in front of him, the woman he had wanted for so long, offering herself to him and he had turned her down. Was he losing his mind?

"No," he said to himself, "more like keeping hold of it." At that point, the taxi pulled up and he climbed in.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, here's the next thrilling installment. And, just in case anyone noticed my mistake, of course the episode with Kathy was called Trust and not Judgement Day - sorry about that!**

**I don't own any of the Taggart characters apart from my own, nor do I own any dialogue from Death Trap.**

**2002**

_"What's going on?" Christina asked, as she came into the room in time to see Mike disappear into his office with Patterson and another man she didn't recognise. She knew that her eyes would be red-rimmed, bearing the evidence of her recent tears, but she did her best to act as though nothing was wrong. Just as she had every other time. She walked over to where the others were sitting. "Who's that with Mike and Patterson?"_

_"DCI Burke," Robbie replied, gesturing with his head towards the glass office._

_"Who's DCI Burke?" she asked automatically._

_"Exactly what we'd all like to know," Stuart said. "I couldn't get access to the ballistics file because of him."_

_Despite the fact that she knew she should have shown more of an interest, Christina merely sat down at her desk and sighed heavily. Lifting the nearest piece of paper on her desk, she pretended to study it, though she took none of it in._

_"You ok?" Jackie asked, sliding into the seat next to her._

_"Yep."_

_"You sure?"_

_Christina looked at her friend and knew she couldn't hide it. Slowly, she shook her head, willing herself to be able to maintain some kind of composure. After all, it was hardly life-threatening._

_"Is it…?" Jackie asked. "I'm sorry," she said when Christina nodded._

_"Not to be this month," she said quietly, "maybe next time."_

_"Maybe," Jackie agreed, "but I suppose…"_

_"This is a bloody outrage!" Conversation stopped as Mike's voice bellowed out from through the wall. "Councillors are choosing the investigating officers now, is that it?"_

_"Wow," Robbie muttered._

_"Is he being taken off the case?" Christina asked somewhat rhetorically._

_The door suddenly opened and Burke emerged, leaving Mike and Patterson alone in the office. Christina watched as he walked towards their little group and glanced around. She tried to form an opinion, tried to read him, but couldn't._

_"DC Fraser?"_

_"Yes Sir?" Stuart replied._

_"Ballistics report," Burke replied, handing him a paper folder. "And do your tie up son. I've nothing against shirt lifters but I hate sloppy dressers." As Stuart merely stared at him, agog, Christina stood up, poised to make her way to Mike's office and ask what the hell was going on but Burke's voice stopped her. "Sergeant Taylor?"_

_"Yes?" she paused and turned to look at him, waiting for whatever insult he intended to throw her way and knowing that she really wasn't in the right frame of mind to receive it. She knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from issuing a barbed retort. But, to her surprise, he didn't say anything. He merely looked at her for a moment and then turned and walked out of the room. Patterson followed a few moments later and she then took her chance to go into the office where Mike was standing in the corner staring out of the window. "What's going on?"_

_"Innes has made a complaint about me," Mike replied, his back still to her. "Patterson's removed me as investigating officer."_

_"And replaced you with _him?_" _

_"So it would appear."_

_"Well…" she fought for the right thing to say. "What are you going to do about it?"_

_"There's not a lot I can do, is there?" he turned to face her. "He's in charge now and we all have to just fall in line." She looked at the floor. "Are you all right?"_

_"Fine," she said, "just…angry on your behalf I suppose."_

_"Well I don't need you to be," he replied. "You've still got a job to do."_

_"Mike…" _

_"Chris." His tone brought her up sharp. "Not now, ok?"_

_She felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. "Ok," she said quickly, "fine." Then she turned and left the room._

**2009**

Matt was in work early, before anyone else, despite the fact he had no need to be. The case was solved, the guilty parties in custody. He had thought, briefly, about visiting Kathy in the cells but had ultimately decided against it. In a few short hours she would be loaded into the back of a Reliance van and taken to the Sheriff Court to face her punishment. Part of him wanted to be there to see it and another part of him wanted to forget she had ever existed – again.

The room was deserted and so he began taking down the photographs from the board and wiping them clean of Robbie's dreadful handwriting. Soon they would be ready for the next murder, whenever that might be. He hoped it wouldn't be too long because he needed something to occupy his mind. Once everything was tidy, he made himself a strong coffee and went back to sit at his desk and muse. He had barely slept the night before, replaying the evening with Christina over and over in his mind, analysing it from every angle. He had never really known, never quite been sure, if there was any chance that she felt anything for him but what had happened the previous evening had confirmed for him that she did and he found that knowledge somewhat disquieting.

He had thought about her so often over the years, tortured himself with what it would be like to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her…

He remembered the first time he ever saw her, that day when he had come in to take over from Mike on the Innes murder. He had read her file, just like he had read all their files, but he hadn't realised just how she would affect him until he actually came face to face with her. The attraction for him had been instant, the butterflies in his stomach, the spasm in his groin, the increasing thud of his heart, all the tell-tale signs…but anything he might have felt had required to take a backseat to the murder. He knew the team weren't exactly enamoured by his presence and he had accepted their veiled hostility and indeed returned it, safe in the knowledge that he hadn't been there to make friends. But with Christina, because every time he saw her he felt…something… he had tried a more open and approachable tact which hadn't always worked. She resented him more than any of the others and her loyalty had only made her all the more attractive.

_Last night…_he groaned when he thought about it. That moment when they had kissed and then she had been stood there, _taking her clothes off right in front of him_…he downed his coffee in one and thought back over his excuses. He was her boss…it was complicated and yet… he couldn't help once again asking himself the question that had been haunting him the entire night.

_"Why did I say no_?"

**2002**

_"Bloody stupid…" Matt growled as he clicked the mouse only to get yet another beep of disapproval from the computer on the desk. He had been trying to get access for the last ten minutes and kept coming up short every time. Glancing across the room he saw Christina sitting alone at her desk going through the witness statements. The others were nowhere to be seen and he knew that Mike was still in the basement going through the files. Every so often, her hair would fall forward into her eyes, she would push it back and he would find himself wondering whether it was soft to the touch. It was pathetic, but he couldn't help it. _

_"Jesus what is wrong with me?" he muttered to himself. But even as he said it, his eyes strayed to her again. Fuelled by the need to get the damn machine working and by a desire to talk to her, he got to his feet and walked to the door of the office. "DS Taylor." She looked over at him, her face betraying nothing. "A word."_

_He watched as she got up from her desk and crossed the room towards him. As she did so, he stepped back into the office, sat back down in the chair and waited for her to come and stand on the other side of the desk. She looked at him questioningly, "Sir?"_

_"Any idea how I get onto this bloody system?" he asked, gesturing at the screen._

_Christina looked from him to the computer and back again. "Stuart's more of the technical one."_

_"Aye, but he's not here right now, is he?" he reminded her, "and I can't get an answer from technical support."_

_She hovered in front of him. "Are you sure your username and password match?"_

_"Username and password?" he stared at her, "what username and password?"_

_"Well, you're not going to be able to get onto the system without a username and password. Haven't they given you one?"_

_"No."_

_She sighed, "What is it you're trying to access?"_

_"Criminal records."_

_She came around to his side of the desk and reached for the keyboard, leaning across him, causing the sweet scent of coconut and white linen to fill his nostrils. "You can use Mike's. It'll get you to whatever it is you're looking for." She tapped in the information and pressed OK. The screen suddenly morphed into life. "Just remember to log out again once you've used it or he won't be able to log in anywhere else."_

_"And I thought you weren't the technical one," he said, as she straightened up. It was meant as a light hearted comment, a way of breaking the ice, but Christina's expression betrayed no sign of friendship or camaraderie. "Thanks," he said finally when she didn't respond.._

_"I'd just like to say sir…" she began, walking back to the door._

_"Yes?"_

_"This is still my husband's department," she turned to face him. "Regardless of what Malcolm Innes wants or says, that isn't going to change."_

_Matt felt his hackles rising, the anxiety and insecurity he had felt moments before walking through the door the first time resurfacing. "That's as maybe," he replied tightly, "but right now I'm in charge, Sergeant and I believe you've got work to do."_

_She gave no sign of being wounded by his rebuke, "Yes sir." Then she turned and walked out of the office and back over to her desk._

**2009**

Christina paused, her hand on the door leading into CID, and took a deep breath. From the moment the alarm had gone off she had felt a deep sense of trepidation at the thought of having to come into work after the previous evening. Every time she thought about it, she felt like curling up into a ball of embarrassment and knew that she couldn't even blame the alcohol. She had known exactly what she was doing when she had offered herself to him and the thought of having to face him now was almost unbearable. What in God's name had she been thinking?

"Forgotten your way?" She jumped and turned to see Robbie coming out of the lift behind her. "You're standing there like a lost lemon."

"Sorry," she replied as brightly as she could, "I had a mental block for a minute."

"Uh huh, sure you did," he said, as she opened the door and he followed her inside. "Don't tell me, you had a hot date last night."

"Hardly," she replied weakly as they made their way along the corridor.

"I saw you going into the pub last night."

"Did you?"

"Yeah, I was going to follow you but…"

"But you didn't, did you?" she stopped dead and turned to face him. "I mean, I didn't see you…"

"I've got better things to do with my time off than spy on you," he told her and she felt welcome relief flood through her. "But whoever he is, he must have kept you up all night because you look like you haven't slept a wink."

"I…"

"Morning boss!"

Christina froze as Robbie raised the greeting and, glancing over towards Matt's office saw him standing in the doorway. Their eyes met and she felt the embarrassment hit her squarely in the gut. "Morning Robbie," Matt replied, though his gaze never left her. "Chris."

"Morning," she replied, moving over towards her desk, grateful that she sat with her back to him.

"Been doing some tidying?" Robbie continued, glancing around the room.

"Yeah well, I didn't really sleep last night so I thought I'd come in and clear up," Matt replied.

"What, you couldn't have hoovered while you were at it?"

"Very funny Robbie." Christina could still feel his eyes on her and wished he would just go back into his office. "I still need all your reports by the end of the day. I want to make sure the Fiscal has everything in good time for this one. Chris?"

"Sure thing," she replied.

"Can I have a word?"

She felt her heart sink. She wanted to say no, wanted to feign illness, wanted to run screaming from the room, anything to avoid the conversation she knew was about to take place. But there was no excuse that would work and besides, perhaps it was best to get it over with. "Sure." She stood up and made her way into his office, purposefully leaving the door open to try and minimise the potential humiliation.

"Close the door," he said.

"Perhaps I should just leave it open," she replied hurriedly.

"Please," he said softly. He waited until she had done as he asked before speaking again. "About last night…"

"I'm sorry," she interrupted before he could say anymore, launching into her rehearsed speech. "I obviously had far too much to drink and what I said and did was…wholly inappropriate and…"

"Chris…"

"…not to mention embarrassing for both of us, so I'd be very grateful if you could just pretend that it never happened and we could just…" she fought for the phrase, "…move on."

He stared at her and she felt more and more disconcerted with every passing second. "Is that what you really want?"

"Well…" she was slightly taken aback. "Isn't it for the best? I mean, after all, you made it quite clear that you didn't…I mean…" She felt herself reddening with each passing second.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "No I didn't make myself clear at all. You ever had that feeling? When a situation's over and done with but you play it back in your mind and you think of all those things you _would _have said?" She nodded. "That's all I've done from the moment I left you last night. I could have handled it better. I should have…"

"No," she shook her head, "You were right in what you said. It's too complicated and I _know _that and I understand and…"

"I should have told you the truth."

His words made her stop. "What truth?"

"The truth about how I really felt." It was his turn to look embarrassed. "I wasn't lying when I said that it wasn't that I didn't want you. I _do _want you. I always have."

Christina frowned, not entirely sure what he was getting at, "I don't understand."

He took a deep breath. "I fell in love with you the first time I ever saw you. It's true," he nodded on her look. "The first time I ever walked in here and saw you, I knew. My mind was focused on the Innes murder, on making sure that Finlay McLean was kept out of it but…but in that moment..." he paused, knowing he was divulging his best-kept secret to the most important person of all. "I wanted you then. I wanted you so badly it was all I could do to concentrate on anything, least of all the case."

Christina felt her heart pound in her chest. "I didn't…you didn't…" she fought for comprehension and lost.

"I didn't what?" he asked, "tell you? Why would I? You were married and more than that you resented me, more than anyone, for what happened when I came in and Mike was taken off the case. You wouldn't have been his wife if you hadn't."

"Afterwards… you could have told me afterwards."

"You had just lost your husband. Do you really think it would have been appropriate for me to tell you how I felt?"

"Maybe not…not right after but…but later, years later, you could have told me!"

"Don't act as though you didn't know," he said, feeling himself grow angry at the insinuation that he was somehow solely at fault. "You were the one who said last night that we had just been telling ourselves that it was complicated _for all these years. _You might not have cared about me as long as I've cared about you but there has to have been a moment when…" A sudden knock on the door made him break off. "What is it?" he roared, angry at the interruption.

The door opened and Jackie appeared. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but there's a phone call for you from London Road."

It took Christina a moment to realise that Jackie was addressing her. "Can you take a message?"

"They said it was urgent."

Sighing heavily, she shot Matt a final look and then made her way out of the office and over to her desk where the receiver was lying. "DS Taylor?"

"Is that DS Christina Taylor?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Yes."

"DCI Michael Jardine's widow?"

She shuddered slightly, as she always did, at the use of the word. "Yes, who's this?"

"DI Steve Morgan over at London Road. We've got your brother-in-law in custody and he insisted that we contact you."

Christina frowned, "My brother-in-law? But…"

"Ian Jardine?"

She paused, "Ian?"

"Yeah, he's been detained on suspicion of murder and he's kicking up one hell of a fuss. Says he won't speak to anyone, refuses even to come out of the cell, until he speaks to you."

"Well…" her mind raced, "I haven't seen him for twelve years, I don't know why he…"

"It's pretty important that we speak to him. Is there any chance you could come over?"

Christina glanced over her shoulder to where Matt was watching her through his office door. One part of her wanted so desperately to continue their conversation and the other wanted to put distance between them, to think about what he had said, and what she was going to say in return. "Sure," she said finally, "I'll be right there." She put the phone down and walked back over to the office door. "Is it all right if I go, sir? Mike's brother's in custody at London Road."

"Ian?" Jackie piped up from her desk.

Christina nodded, "He wants to see me. Is it ok for me to go?" She searched his face, willing him to understand.

"Sure," he said after a moment's silence. "Let me know if you need me…us."

She smiled, feeling somewhat warmed by his concern. "I will." Then she turned and left the room without a backward glance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers! Keep it up! Again, I only own original characters and I don't own any dialogue from Death Trap :)**

**2009**

Twenty minutes after arriving at London Road, Christina made her way over to the desk and rang the buzzer again. It was rare that she attended at a police station ostensibly as a member of the public and she was starting to realise why people complained about how long they had to wait. A bored looking civilian worker eventually came through the door and regarded her warily.

"Can you tell me how much longer DI Morgan's going to be?" she asked, trying not to sound too accusing. "I _do_ have my own cases to investigate." The truth was, having wanted the time away from Matt she now desperately wanted to go back. There were so many questions that she wanted to ask in light of his revelation, so many things that had been running around in her head since she had left, and helping Ian wasn't exactly high on her priority list.

"DS Taylor?" As if on cue, before the civilian worker could answer, a door at the far end of the corridor opened and a tall, dark haired man came towards her. "I'm Steve Morgan," he extended his hand as he approached, "I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"Christina Taylor," she returned the greeting and the handshake.

"I'm glad you could come down," Morgan continued, "if you can persuade Ian to talk to us…"

"Don't pin your hopes on that," she interrupted him, "like I said on the phone, I haven't seen him in twelve years." She fell into step beside him as they made their way back down the corridor. "What's his involvement in this murder anyway?"

"You've heard of the Collins family, I'm guessing?"

"Biggest crime family in the city, of course, who hasn't?"

"Old man Collins' son was found dead two days ago not too far from here, most likely the result of the ongoing turf war with the McDonalds. They're fighting to control the east end and there have been three shootings this year alone."

"I heard," she nodded her thanks as he held the door open for her, "Andy Collins was shot twice in the head the papers said." She stopped and turned to look at him. "You don't actually think that Ian…"

"Pulled the trigger? No, but he _has _been involved with the family for the last few months. We've been carrying out surveillance and he's been seen going in and out of the family home. He's not in the inner circle, so to speak, but he's slowly ingratiating himself with them. Doing what, we're not sure."

"Have you actually got any evidence linking him to the murder?"

Morgan turned and smiled at her, "It's more of a…detention of convenience. We were hoping he might do the right thing and give us some information that we could use."

"Putting his own life at risk in the process?" Morgan shrugged. "He doesn't have to tell you anything, we both know that."

"Agreed, but we can't do anything until he's prepared to come out of the cell and he isn't prepared to do that until he speaks to you."

Christina shook her head, "I really don't understand why."

"I can let you into the cell to speak to him," Morgan said as they entered the cell area. "Obviously it's not going to be particularly private…but then you're not his solicitor."

"No," she mused, "I'm not."

He looked at her, "I was sorry about your husband."

"Did you know him?"

"Only by reputation," Steve grinned.

Christina found herself smiling with him as Michael's image flashed into her mind. As it did so, she felt the first, cold creeping of guilt. She waited as Morgan conversed quickly with the duty officer who lifted a bunch of keys from the peg and gestured for her to follow him. The familiar smell of body odour and unflushed toilets hit her nostrils and she fought to keep her breakfast down. In all the years that she had been a police officer, she had never gotten used to the stench.

The officer stopped at the furthest cell and pulled down the hatch. "Jardine, your sister-in-law's here." Then he stepped back and pulled open the door. "I'll be right out here," he told her, stepping back.

Christina stepped forward into the doorway and looked inside. Ian was sitting on a blue mattress at the back of the cell, wrapped in a sheet. She would have recognised him anywhere, despite the fact that his ginger curls, the ones that always made Michael joke he was more like her brother than his, had faded to a straw like colour and he looked older than his forty years.

"Thanks for coming," he said. "I need your help."

**2002**

_Stuart was reading the paper with his feet up on his desk when Christina walked into the room. He tried to hide it, but she couldn't miss the sub-headline screaming _Top Detective is Suspended in Aftermath _with a fetching picture of Michael attached to the piece. She thought back to the argument they had had that morning when she had tried to tell him that she supported him regardless and he had asked her cuttingly why she was bothering._

_"Get your feet off of that table," Matt said, coming out of Mike's office and into the centre of the room. Christina felt herself bristling at his very presence. "So, what's the upshot from the quack?" He directed his question to Jackie._

_"Death by multiple trauma. No positive ID yet. There's a deontologist looking at his teeth."_

_"What's Innes saying?" Robbie asked._

_"Oh, he's accusing us of putting his life in danger," Matt replied, "heads are to roll, apparently." He lifted the paper and turned to walk back into the office._

_"That's his knighthood gone west then," Jackie quipped, looking at Christina to share the joke, but she found that she couldn't join in. If anyone's head was to roll, she only hoped that it would be Burke's._

_"Mike's here," Robbie said quietly._

_Christina looked up and watched as her husband made his way through the room, his eyes barely resting on her, and into what had once been his office. He closed the door behind him, but on the pretext of getting coffee, she made her way over and hovered near the door so she could hear what was being said._

_"Kennedy was as guilty as sin," Mike was saying. "He shot his wife and pleaded insanity. That failed when the psychiatric report disappeared."_

_"Says here you lost it," Matt said, gesturing to the file._

_"_Innes_ says I lost it."_

_"Did you know Kennedy's son died of drugs while he was in jail?"_

_"No, I didn't."_

_"He blamed you and Innes."_

_"That's part of the job isn't it," Mike said, "but in those days I was lucky. My gaffer supported me."_

_"Don't you accuse me of disloyalty Mike," Matt said, "you sat on that report for three days while we ran around chasing our arses from Govan to Greenock! Your wife included!"_

_"I didn't sit on it, I discarded it!" Mike shot back, "And don't try to use Chris against me like that, understood?"_

_Unable to bear it any longer, Christina threw open the door and stepped inside, glaring at Matt in the process. "I heard my name so I assumed I was invited to join in." _

_"Well you weren't. This doesn't concern you," Matt said sharply._

_"I think you'll find it does," she shot back._

_"They told me he was still in jail," Mike said, bringing the conversation back to Kennedy._

_"Well you should have double-checked!"_

_"Well you shouldn't have stuck me in some bloody broom cupboard looking at old files, should you?"_

_"Oh for pity's sake!" Christina exclaimed. "The pair of you sound like two overgrown schoolkids in the bloody playground!"_

_"That didn't stop you charging in with your size tens looking for Fin McLean did it?" Matt raged, oblivious to her. Once the words were out, he suddenly seemed to remember himself and looked at her._

_"Mike told me," she said. "I know he's a cop."_

_"Oh do you?" _

_"We don't keep secrets from each other," she replied._

_"McLean can look after himself," Mike said._

_"Oh, can he?" Matt said, his temper quelling slightly. "He's disappeared."_

_"You're blaming me for that too?"_

_"Mike…" Christina said._

_"Chris, just give it a rest, ok? He's right, it doesn't concern you." Mike glared at her before turning back to Burke. "Are you blaming me?"_

_"No, I'm blaming me," Matt said. "I gave him that zip disc and that's gone too. What the hell was on that thing?" Before anyone could answer, Stuart opened the door._

_Christina could feel anger, frustration and resentment threatening to choke her. She wasn't sure which one of them she wanted to kill first. Mike because he kept pushing her away or Matt because she just couldn't stand the sight of him. But she sure as hell didn't want Stuart interrupting it. "Not now," she said._

_"But it's the lab," he started._

_"I said, not now!" She rounded on him._

_"I think you'd better remember your place, Sergeant!" Matt barked, causing her to turn back towards him. "What is it, Stuart?"_

_"Positive ID on Kennedy," he reported._

_Matt sighed heavily, "Right. Briefing. Now. All of you." He got up from the desk and moved round it, stopping in front of Christina, "if you can keep your mouth shut, that is."_

_She squared herself up and glared at him, responding in a tone dripping with sarcasm, "Yes sir." _

_"I thought I was suspended?" Mike called after him._

_"I've suspended it."_

_"Mike…" she tried again as he got up._

_"You are sailing _that_ close to the wind," he told her, gesturing with his fingers. "Can't you see that? I don't need you getting suspended too. I can cover my own back."_

_"Well what am I supposed to do?" she asked. "Just sit here and say nothing?"_

_He leaned in close to her, "Yes._

_"Don't do this," she said, catching his arm as he made to leave. "I don't understand what's happened over the last few days but please talk to me."_

_"Are you two coming?" Matt shouted from the other end of the room._

_"Later," he told her, "ok? Later." He walked away from her out of the office and down to where the others were assembled._

**2009**

It had been almost two hours since Christina had left, not that he had been counting, and Matt couldn't help feeling restless. He had finished his report on Kathy's case, tidied his office, drunk endless cups of coffee and was at a loss as to what else to do to take his mind off of things. He had tried phoning her mobile twice, but it had gone straight onto answer. Opening his office door, he walked over to where Jackie was sitting at her desk.

"Chris hasn't phoned then."

Jackie looked up, "No. Were you expecting her to?"

"No, I just wondered if everything was ok."

"Trust me, sir, she can handle Ian."

"How eh…how much do you know about him?" Matt asked.

"He's Michael's younger brother. We had dealings with him a number of years ago when we were investigating some murders linked to a religious group."

"The Church of the Children of the New Millennium," Stuart piped up.

"Yeah, Stuarty did a good turn in going undercover," Jackie laughed.

"I'm sure I read about that in the papers," Matt said, "wasn't there some sort of mass suicide there?"

"Mass murder more like," Stuart said, "the leader, David Burns, blew himself, his wife, his son and some other members of the church to kingdom come. Ian was a member."

"Of the cult?" Matt looked at Jackie.

"He was a true believer," she explained, "Michael and Christina tried really hard to help him get out. He saw the light in the end, but then he disappeared down to London and I don't think she's seen him since."

"Not even when Mike was killed?"

"She tried at the time to get in touch with him but…" Jackie shrugged.

"So why would he ask for her help now?"

Jackie made a face, "Who knows, but he's liable to get more of a tongue lashing from her than help."

"If she hasn't seen him in all that time, why would she even want to help him?" he asked.

"Because he's Michael's brother," she replied, as though the answer was obvious.

Matt bit his lip, "Maybe I should go down there. To London Road."

"Why?"

"Just in case…well in case…"

"I think you should leave it, sir. If she needs our help she'll call," Jackie shot him a knowing look. "Like I said, she knows how to handle him."

He looked at her, analysing her expression and the look in her eyes and he wondered if it was possible that Christina hadn't kept her feelings entirely to herself. If there was anyone she might have told, it would have been Jackie. "You know, don't you?" he asked quietly.

Jackie frowned, "Know what?"

"Boss?" Robbie called out from his desk, "That was uniform on the phone. A body's been found about half a mile away. White male, twenty to twenty five, shot in the head."

Instinct kicked in. "Right," Matt said, "let's go. Jackie, leave a message on Chris' voicemail. Tell her to meet us at the scene if she can."

XXXX

Christina folded her arms and leaned back against the cell wall waiting for Ian to elaborate. Then she realised that she was standing directly above his unflushed toilet and swiftly moved to the other side. She was surprised by how calm she felt, having assumed that, upon sight, she would have wanted to gouge his eyes out.

"I'm sorry to make you come down here," he said, "I wasn't sure if you would."

"I'm surprised myself," she replied. "It's been so long I thought you might have forgotten my name."

He looked down at the grimy floor, avoiding her gaze. "I know that I haven't exactly kept in touch…"

"That's a bloody understatement!" she exclaimed. "You disappeared quicker than shit off of a shovel after all that nonsense up at Glenallen House. Mike tried really hard to track you down. Made all these enquiries in London…wanted to try and rebuild your relationship…"

"I'm sorry about that. I needed…time. You don't understand what it was like after all that stuff. Finding out that everything you had believed in, put your trust in, was a lie."

"Why couldn't you even have told us where you were? We wouldn't have bothered you as long as you were safe. I couldn't even get in touch with you when he died!"

"You think I don't regret that?" he snapped. "Some guy I barely knew telling me that my brother had died _five years _after the event!"

She stared at him, "You've known about Mike for two years and you never bothered to contact me? Never bothered to contact your own mother?" Bizarrely, she had assumed that he must have only found out recently, for wouldn't he have done something if he had known?

"It was difficult…" he waved his arm at her, as though willing her away. "Besides, I don't want to talk about that. I need your help with _this._"

"And just what makes you think I give a damn about whatever mess you've gotten yourself into this time?"

"Well you're here, aren't you?"

She paused on his words. He was right, she _was _there, but she also knew it wasn't because of any feelings of sympathy towards _him._ "DI Morgan says that you're bosom buddies with the Collins' now."

Ian looked away, "Not exactly. I know…knew…Andy Collins."

"Before he got his brains blown out."

"Yeah, but I didn't have anything to do with that. Why would I?"

"You tell me."

"I met Andy in a pub. We got talking and he offered me some work with his dad. I was broke and I needed the money."

"What kind of job?"

"Driving vans. I would turn up and he would give me the van, tell me where to go and who to speak to. Then I'd come back and he'd give me the next one."

"What was in them?"

"I don't know, I never asked. But…obviously something illegal."

"Drugs," she said, "that's what the Collins' are into."

"I wouldn't know anything about that," he looked away again.

"Then why do you think they've got you in here detained for murder?" she asked. "Use your head for Christ's sake! They want information from you!"

"I don't have anything to tell them! The day Andy was killed I was on a delivery in Drumchapel. I didn't know anything about what had happened until I got back. I don't know who killed him or why." He looked up at her, his eyes pleading. "You've got to get me out of here, Chris."

"If you don't know anything, just make no comment," she replied. "If they don't have any evidence they'll release you after the six hours is up."

"But if they hold me for that length of time Andy's dad might think that I'm grassing them up."

"Ray Collins has been in this game long enough to know the score," she put her hand in her pocket as she felt her mobile vibrate. "If he hasn't told you anything that might incriminate him, or you haven't seen anything that might incriminate him, then he's not going to be worried, is he?" She glanced at the screen and saw Jackie's number flash up. "Look, I really have to go."

"Wait!" he said, "Isn't there anything you can do?"

She turned back to look at him. Yes, she could do something. She could talk to Morgan, she could try and get Ian released quickly, she could put the feelers out and see if Collins had it in for her brother-in-law. But anger and resentment and, indeed, spite, made her feel less than generous. After all, she had seen what Ian's lack of care and consideration had done to her late husband.

"Sorry," she said, "but no."

"Chris!" he called after her as she walked back through the cell door. "Wait, please wait!"

The duty officer slammed the door behind her and she walked back into the main cell area, Ian's voice growing fainter behind her. Morgan was leaning against the desk, watching as she approached. "Well?"

"He's all yours," she said, "not that I think you'll get much out of him."

"Well it was worth a try," he said, leading her out of the cell area and back to the front entrance. "Thanks for coming down anyway."

"It was a trip out," she replied, as they shook hands. As she made her way back out to the car park, she listened to Jackie's voicemail and, focusing on the immediate task at hand, put Ian out of her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the continuing reviews - much appreciated!**

**2002**

_"Look, I'm going to have to go back otherwise Burke's going to be after my head." Christina lifted her jacket from the back of the sofa and pulled it on. "Are you listening? He thinks I'm out checking witness statements, not back here checking on you. Ever since we turned up Johnny Innes' girlfriend he's never been off our backs." She walked out of the living room and into the kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of her husband leaning over an open bottle of whisky. "What are you doing?"_

_"What does it look like I'm doing?" he replied, never lifting his gaze from the brown liquid._

_"Where did it come from?"_

_"I bought it."_

_"Mike…" she stepped forward and then stopped again as he poured a generous measure and downed it in one gulp, unable to believe what she was seeing. "Jesus…"_

_He wiped his mouth viciously and looked at her, "What?"_

_"This is how you intend to deal with things, is it?" she asked angrily. "Burke pisses you off so you automatically wipe out twenty odd years of teetotalism? For heavens sake, this is only one investigation! It's not as though…" she broke off as he lifted the bottle, strode past her to the sink and threw it violently in, the noise causing her to start. She watched, almost helplessly, as he doused his face in cold water. "Michael, please…"_

_"I thought you said you had to get back."_

_"Why are you being like this? It's as if you can't even talk to me, as if you somehow…blame me for what's happening."_

_Michael turned to face her, "Blame you? I don't blame you for any of it."_

_"Then why are you shutting me out?" she stepped closer to her. "I'm your wife. I thought were could tell each other everything and yet…since this investigation started you've been…I don't know…keeping your distance." She put her hand on his arm. _

_He sighed heavily, "I don't expect you to understand."_

_"I'm trying to understand. If this is about Innes…the minute this case is over, Burke'll go back wherever the hell he came from and you'll be back in charge. Patterson knows what a good officer you are. We all do. None of us like running around, jumping whenever that little shit barks." A small smile pulled at the corner of Michael's mouth. "I am one hundred percent behind you," she continued, "but I can't help you if you won't let me."_

_He suddenly stepped forward and pulled her into his arms and she buried her face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent and feeling some of the tension leave her body. _

_"I love you," he said, kissing the top of her head._

_"I love you too," she replied. Her voice was muffled, but she couldn't prevent it from cracking on the words. "Promise me you won't drink any more. Nothing's worth that."_

_Michael pulled back from her, "I promise." He studied her face. "Are you all right?"_

_"Of course," she replied, but she felt her eyes fill with tears even as she spoke._

_He looked at her intently, "Chris?"_

_"It's stupid. It's unimportant on top of everything else."_

_"What is?"_

_"It's just…" she sighed heavily, "I thought…I thought I might be pregnant but I'm not. I really thought this time and I let myself think about what it might be like and…I suppose on top of all of this..."_

_"Sweetheart, I'm sorry," Michael said, pulling her back to him again, "Not meant to be this time, I guess. We can keep trying and we'll get there eventually. You'll be a mum one day."_

_"Yeah" she said, hugging him tightly, "one day."_

**2009**

The body hadn't even been hidden. It lay in the middle of the waste ground in all its glory. The victim couldn't have been more than twenty-five, dark hair, jeans, t-shirt, trainers and the crowning feature, a single bullet wound to the head.

"Any ID?" Matt asked Gemma who was hunched over the body.

"Got a wallet," she replied, handing it to him. "Driver's licence is in there."

He opened it and looked at the card. "Ryan McDonald, 21 Lannigan Grove, Shettleston."

"McDonald?" Jackie echoed, coming up behind him.

"You know him?"

"Yeah," she looked down at the body, "He's Jack McDonald's youngest son."

"Our very own East End godfather," Matt said.

"Don't let Ray Collins hear you say that," she replied. "They've been trying to outdo each other for years. Looks like a professional hit, with no attempt to conceal it."

"A warning to the McDonald family?" Matt mused.

"Maybe," Jackie replied. "He was shot right between the eyes," she observed.

"Must have seen it coming," Gemma said.

"Lucky him," Jackie glanced up at the sound of an approaching car. "Chris is here. She must have managed to get rid of Ian."

Matt looked up and watched as Christina got out of the car, locked it and began making her way towards them. He felt his stomach flip over at the sight of her and inwardly chastised himself for it. He had learned over the years to control his feelings but since last night, he had found them fighting to be given free rein. "You found us then," he said by way of greeting.

"Yeah, I got Jackie's message," she said, stopping beside him and glancing down at the body.

"Everything all right?"

"Fine," she flashed him a quick smile. "Ryan McDonald?"

"You know him too?"

"I arrested him for stolen credit cards when he was a kid," she replied, "He's Jack McDonald's son."

"Already beat you to that one," Jackie said with a smile.

"All right smarty pants," Christina quipped. "Have you already stolen my revenge theory too?"

"Revenge?" Matt asked.

Christina nodded. "You know that Ray Collins' son Andy was murdered a couple of days ago over on E division's patch. Big gang rivals…it's not too big a leap to think that the Collins' might be getting their own back, especially given it's obviously the work of a professional.

"If it _is _revenge, then there's the potential for a hell of a lot more bodies," Jackie said. "I mean, this could be the escalation of violence we've all been waiting for."

"God help us if it is," Matt said. "Right, Jackie, take Robbie and go over to the Collins'. See if you can get anything from them about whether this murder could be linked to Andy's death, but tread carefully. We don't want to give them the idea of revenge attacks if they haven't already thought of it." He turned to Christina. "You and me can go and break the news to the McDonalds."

"If they don't already know," she replied. "I passed a car on the way up here just sitting watching the activity."

"Who was it?"

"No idea. Black car, two guys, white, thirties, wearing dark clothing just…watching. Could be some of McDonald's henchmen. Or Collins'."

"Ah well, we won't be telling them anything they don't already know then," Matt replied. He waited for her to fall into step beside him before speaking again. "You're sure everything's all right?"

"Positive," she replied. "Although…"

"Although what?"

"It was the Andy Collins murder that the police at London Road wanted to speak to Ian about. He's been doing some work for them over the past few months. DI Morgan was hoping he might spill the beans about what goes on inside."

"And?"

"And he claims he doesn't know anything. So I told him if that was the case he should make a no comment interview and hope for the best."

"Are you his lawyer all of a sudden?"

She laughed, "No, I just wanted shot of him. He's known about Michael for the best part of two years and he's never bothered to get in touch until he finds himself in the shit. Well he can stay there for all I care." She unlocked the car and they both slid inside. "About earlier…"

"Och, we're never going to get the chance to talk about it properly with all this going on," Matt said. "Do you…eh…do you fancy dinner tonight?"

"What, just the two of us?" she looked sideways at him.

"That was the general idea."

"Ok," she started the engine. "As long as it's somewhere decent and as long as you're paying."

XXXX

The McDonalds lived in a large house in one of the more civilised parts of the East End, a world away from the line of business they were reputed to be in. An electronic gate opened automatically as Christina pulled up to it, so she continued on up the driveway, pulling up and around a large, ceramic water feature and stopping next to the front door.

"I'm definitely on the wrong side of the law," she commented, stepping out of the car. "I think I'd go native for a house like this."

"It's been built on the profits of misery, Chris, don't forget that," Matt reminded her.

"I could live with that," she joked.

"Can I help you?" They both turned to see a woman coming towards them, dressed in jodhpurs and boots, clearing on her way back from riding.

"Police," Matt said as he and Christina pulled out their warrant cards. "DCI Burke, this is DS Taylor. And you are…?"

"Margaret McDonald," the woman replied, her face hardening. "If you're here about my husband…"

"Actually, we'd like to speak to both of you if we could," Matt said.

Sighing heavily, Margaret pushed past them and opened the front door. Despite not exactly being invited in, Matt and Christina followed, stepping into a large marbled hallway, the walls adorned with paintings, and a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling. "Jack!" she called out loudly. "Police! He's upstairs," she said, turning back to them. "What's all this about anyway?"

"We'd rather wait until your husband was here," Matt replied.

At that moment, there was the sound of footfalls on the stairs and Jack McDonald came into view, wearing shorts and a sweat-soaked t-shirt, a towel around his neck. "Oh aye," he greeted them, his eyes resting on Christina. "We've met before."

"DS Taylor," she said, "I arrested your son a number of years ago for passing stolen credit cards."

"So you did," Jack said, nodding, "I remember you now."

"This is DCI Burke."

"Is it now?" Jack looked Matt over. "Well, if you're here for Ryan, he's not in."

"Would it be possible for us to sit down?" Christina asked, looking at Margaret as she spoke.

"In here," she opened the nearest door and led them in to an equally opulent sitting room which was, in Christina's opinion, bordering on the tacky. "What is this all about?" she repeated once they were all inside. "Ryan's not been in trouble for ages."

"I'm…eh…" Matt glanced at Christina, "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but Ryan's dead." The McDonalds simply stared at him. "We found his body earlier this morning on some waste ground about two miles from here. I'm afraid he's been murdered."

"Oh my God…" Margaret sank down onto the sofa. "No, no, not Ryan…not Ryan…please…"

"When did this happen?" Jack asked, his face hard, his expression unreadable.

"We think he died sometime late last night," Christina said. "Did you know he was out last night?"

"He said he was going to a friend's house," Jack replied.

"Do you know what time he went out?"

"He left here around ten. We went to bed around midnight and he still wasn't back."

"And you didn't worry when you realised he wasn't back this morning?"

"He's twenty-five, Sergeant," Jack replied. "It's not like we keep him on a leash."

"Did Ryan work for you, Mr McDonald?" Matt asked.

Jack glared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's an innocent enough question. You run a...family...business. I just wondered if Ryan was part of that."

"I run a legitimate business, Chief Inspector."

"That's not what I asked you, but since you brought it up, perhaps you could explain your _legitimate business _to me. Because you see, my understanding is that you can afford all this luxury purely by buying and selling illegal drugs."

"You son of a bitch..." Jack jumped to his feet, causing Matt to follow suit. "You come in here and tell us our son's dead..."

"Stop it Jack!" Margaret interrupted, tears flowing down her cheeks. "For God's sake..."

Christina stood up, "Sir, perhaps we should..."

"Get out of my house before I throw you out!" Jack bellowed.

"Fine, but we'll be back," Matt said, "Your son doesn't get executed for no reason Mr McDonald. There's questions that need to be answered."

"I'm warning you..."

"Sir..." Christina moved towards the door and waited as Matt and Jack eyeballed each other for a long moment before the former followed her out of the living room and back towards the front door, which slammed behind them on their departure.

"Get Stuart over here," Matt said, "I want statements taken from them and anyone else in the house. And get uniform to pull the place apart!"

"Was that really necessary? They _have_ just lost their son."

"McDonald's no' the sentimental type," Matt yanked the car door open and then stopped to look at her, "What? You don't think I handled it properly?"

"Well you _did _tell Jackie to tread carefully with the Collins' and then you go charging in here, all guns blazing..." she cocked her head on one side and shot him a knowing look.

"Aye, all right," he conceded. "Well we can leave it to Stuart and his softly-softly approach, see if that works any better." He turned to her as she started the engine. "It didn't...it doesn't..."

"What?"

"Well, it doesn't put you off, does it?"

"What doesn't put me off what?" she frowned.

"Well...that...how I handled it...my attitude...it doesn't..." he fought for another choice of words and failed miserably, "...put you off?"

"Oh, I see," she said, realisation dawning. "No," she put the car in gear and started back down the drive. "To be honest, it's a bit of a turn-on."

**2002**

"_Anything?"_

_Christina slid into her seat back at the station and turned to where Matt was standing beside the white board. "Sorry?"_

_"With the witness statements," he repeated and she could hear the exasperation in his tone. "You've been gone ages, so did you get anything?"_

_"No," she replied honestly. "I didn't. I think we've exhausted that angle."_

_"When I think we've exhausted it, I'll tell you," he replied. "Where's Mike?"_

_"At home."_

_"Good. Best place for him."_

_"If you say so," she murmured._

_"I beg your pardon?"_

_She looked up and met his gaze, "I said, if you say so."_

_"And just what's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, stepping towards her._

_Christina bit her tongue, "Nothing."_

_"No, no, speak up," he encouraged sarcastically. "No-one else is here...floor's open. You've not been shy in the past."_

_The frustrations and anxieties of the last few days bubbled up to the surface and, for the first time, she no longer cared. "What it means, _sir, _is that Mike has run this department for years with no problems or complaints. And now, all of a sudden, you're here and it sounds suspiciously as though you'd like nothing better than to get him out permanently and take his place. So you've come in, like some little...Nazi dictator...!"_

_Matt's face grew thunderous, "Now you listen to me..."_

_"No, you listen to me!" she got to her feet and faced him across the table. "I don't know what the hell is going on with this case and, quite frankly, part of me doesn't want to know! Innes seems to be calling the shots while you and McLean gossip away in bloody back alleys and Mike gets royally screwed over! Well, let me tell you something. I back my husband all the way and Robbie and Stuart and Jackie do too so if you think that by what you're doing you're going to make us suddenly switch allegiance then you've got another think coming!" She stopped, realising that she was shaking._

_He stared at her for a long moment, "Are you finished?"_

_"Yes," she said, sitting back down at her desk. _

_"Let me tell you something sweetheart," he leaned over the desk towards her, his voice low. "I don't want your husband's job, all right? I don't need to stand on his shoulders because I've got my own reputation to stand on and, despite what you might think I'm not here to run him into the ground. I'm just here to do a job but while I'm in charge, I expect my officers to fall in line and that includes you, wedding ring or no wedding ring. Do you understand?"_

_She wearily met his gaze, "Yes."_

_"Good." He straightened up. "There's coffee made if you want some. The others should be back soon and then I want briefed on any and all developments, ok?"_

_"Ok."_

_"Right then."_

_He turned to walk back towards the office and Christina suddenly felt guilty for what she had said. She had meant every word, but she knew it could have been handled better. There was no point in making her worklife more stressful than it already was. "Sir..."_

_"Yes?" he turned back to her._

_"I stand by what I said but...well...I'm sorry."_

_"Apology accepted. Let's move on." He continued on into the office, closing the door behind him and then turned to watch her through the glass. She ran her hands through her hair and rubbed her face before picking up the phone. He had been honest with her. He didn't want her husband's job, not really. _

_But he wanted her and he couldn't have her._


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the long delay. Hope you might continue to read and review!**

**2009**

"So," Matt said as they pulled back into the police station car park. "Dinner tonight then?"

Christina turned off the engine and looked over at him, "I already said yes."

"I know…is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go?"

"It's been so long since I was out anywhere that I wouldn't even know. Valerie was talking about some website she and Stephen use quite a lot. www. ?"

Matt shook his head, "Never heard of it."

"Me neither, but apparently it's quite good for suggestions."

"I might take a look later."

"Hmm…" she teased, "I bet you'd need Stuart to show you how."

"Aye, very funny. Well, maybe if I booked somewhere for around six?"

"Sounds ideal, as long as this case doesn't get out of hand."

"Right then," he looked at her. "I look forward to it."

"Me too."

There was a sudden pause, an elongated moment of silence where nothing seemed to stir and all that could be heard was the sound of their own breathing. Slowly, like magnets pulled together, they leaned towards each other, their eyes half-closing at the same moment, their mouths inches from each other…

Matt's mobile shrilled loudly, causing them both to jump and spring away from each other. Inwardly cursing, he reached into his pocket, pulled it out and answered it, his tone sharper than it might otherwise have been. "Burke. Ah yes Robbie," he continued, his voice softening slightly. "How did you get on? Did they now? Well it looks like non-cooperation all round then. Ok, let's meet back at the station and regroup." He hung up and turned back to her. "The Collins family weren't exactly eager to help."

"I don't think you'll find we'll get much help from either side in this investigation," Christina replied, opening the car door and stepping out. "These kinds of people prefer to sort things out themselves."

"Two young lads dead," Matt said, following suit, "you'd think they'd want our help."

"Not if they want revenge." She fell into step beside him, up the steps towards the back door. "Our help's the last thing they'd want."

"I tell you this much," he said, opening the door for her, "I'm not having a bloodbath in this city because they want to play gangsters."

"_Play _gangsters?" she echoed. "There's a fair few bodies attributed to both of them over the years that would tend to suggest it's anything but a game."

"Aye well…" he pressed the lift button, "whether they like it or not, we're going to be all over both of them like a rash."

"Remember the Collins murder belongs to the London Road boys," she reminded him as they stepped inside. "We don't want to be stepping on anyone's toes."

"I'll step on whoever's toes I need to to solve this case," he replied sharply. "If that means not observing all the niceties then…"

"Ok, ok," she held up her hands, "I'm only saying. I'm on your side, remember?"

Matt softened instantly, "I know and I'm glad. I remember only too well what it's like to _not _have you on my side."

"Yeah well," she looked at the floor. "Things change."

"I mean it, I'm glad."

She met his gaze again, "Me too."

Again, there was another long moment of silence, where they turned automatically towards each other, broken only by the pinging of the lift doors as they opened, revealing Gemma on the other side.

"Just the man," she declared. "I've left the preliminary PM results on your desk."

"Anything interesting?" Matt asked.

"Straightforward bullet to the head, but Ryan _did _have a lot of other bruising on his body consistent with him having recently taken a good beating."

"Any idea how recently?" Christina asked.

Gemma shook her head, "Not yet. We should know more once the PM's been completed. I'll let you know." She stepped past them into the lift. "Oh, Chris, some guy was looking for you earlier."

Christina turned back to her, "Where?"

"Downstairs, about half an hour ago. I heard him at the front desk. Think he maybe left a message with the desk sergeant."

"Thanks," Christina replied as the lift doors closed.

"Ian?" Matt asked.

"Probably," she shook her head. "They must have released him." She walked forward to her desk and saw that a yellow post-it note had been stuck to her computer with Ian's name and a mobile number. Lifting it, she crumpled it and put it in the bin. "I'm not interested," she said, seeing Matt watch her.

He held up his hands, "I didn't say anything."

She watched as he turned and walked into his office and then, thinking better of it, reached into the bin, lifted the piece of paper, smoothed it out and tossed it into her desk drawer.

**2002**

_"Chris, it's me."_

_Christina turned around slightly in her chair so that the others wouldn't hear her. "Mike, it's not really a good time right now…Burke's doing a briefing..."_

_"Look, I know that," he interrupted, "but I need your help."_

_"With what?" she glanced back over her shoulder to where Matt was addressing them from the white board._

_"I'm going to see Innes."_

_"What? Don't be so stupid…"_

_"I know what CR means."_

_"Mike…"_

_"I think I know what this might be all about. I need you to create some sort of distraction so that I can get into Innes' flat and have a look about."_

_"You can't do that without a warrant."_

_"I _know _that but this is important!"_

_"Is there a problem here?" Christina turned back to see Matt glaring at her. "Something you'd like to share with us perhaps?"_

_"No, it's…" she paused, the phone still pressed to her ear._

_"Chris?" Michael's voice floated through the receiver. "Chris!"_

_"I have to go," she said, "Don't do anything and I'll call you later." She replaced the receiver and turned back to face her new boss._

_"Well?" he said sharply._

_"Nothing," she replied. "Everything's fine."_

**2009**

"So, what have we got?" Matt addressed them. "Ryan McDonald, 23, died from a single gunshot wound to the head."

"Youngest son of Jack McDonald," Robbie added, coming to stand beside his boss and pointing to the pictures on the board. "The other McDonalds', Peter and Danny, are both doing time for armed robbery."

"And then there's Andy Collins, murdered three days ago, son of Ray Collins," Matt added.

"Who's murder isn't our case," Christina reminded him.

"I know, but there has to be a connection between them. What did DI Morgan tell you when you went to London Road?"

"Nothing, just that they were hoping Ian could give them some information on what might have happened. He never mentioned the McDonalds."

"Aye well, he wouldn't have known about that murder yet, would he?" Matt leaned against the wall. "Jackie, anything on forensics?"

"22 calibre bullet, fired at close range," Jackie replied. "Forensics swept the scene and there's no sign of a weapon."

"They wouldn't have left one," Robbie said. "Not if it was a professional hit and especially not if it was anyone connected with the Collins family. Not that they were willing to tell us anything."

"I ran a PNC check on that car that you saw parked nearer the crime scene," Stuart said to Christina. "It's registered to Collins Holdings Ltd, business address in Parkhead."

"That's Ray Collins's main business," Christina replied. "So it _was _his men watching us."

"Jackie, take Stuart and get over there," Matt said, "Talk to the employees, find out who had that car today."

"They're not going to tell us," Jackie replied. "Besides, I thought you wanted Stuart to try his softly-softly approach with the McDonalds?"

"Aye, all right. Take Robbie then. Chris..." he turned back to her. "Does Ian have any information that could help us?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I didn't know anything about Ryan McDonald when I spoke to him and he was more concerned about getting out of custody."

"But, if pressed, do you think he might know something?"

"He claims to have worked for them but I don't know how trusted he was..."

"Good," he interrupted her, "phone him on that number he left and see if you can speak to him."

"But..."

"Stuart, over to the McDonalds. See if you've get any more success than we had."

"Sir..." Christina followed Matt over to his office door. "I'm not really comfortable with this."

He turned back to face her, "With what?"

"Ian."

"Why?"

"It's...it's complicated. I have my own personal feelings about him, none of them particularly good, and I really don't want to become involved with him if I can avoid it."

"He could be a key witness," Matt insisted. "Someone who was inside the Collins organisation and can probably tell us whether or not they were planning any kind of retaliation for Andy's murder. Being your brother-in-law should only serve to make him more inclined to help."

"Ian's not like that," she replied. "The only reason for him to help would be if it served his own interests."

"Well, that's a chance we take."

"Sir..."

"Just do it, Chris, ok?" He watched as an old familiar look washed over her face, a look he remembered seeing all too often in those early years and which he had hoped he wouldn't have to see again. "I..."

"Fine," she cut him off and turned sharply back towards her desk.

**2002**

_"Mike's not downstairs."_

_Christina looked up from her desk to find Matt standing over her. She put down the receiver that she had been holding. "I know."_

_"So where is he?"_

_"I don't know. I've been trying to reach him but he's not answering."_

_"Was that him that phoned earlier, during the briefing?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And just what did he want?"_

_She paused, torn between what she knew she should say, and wanting to protect her husband. All the year she had worked with him, all the years they had been together he had been nothing if not honest in his approach to the job. She knew that was the reason he clashed so much with Robbie. But since the investigation had started, she had grown more and more concerned by his behaviour, not least the episode of drinking she had witnessed._

_"You misplaced your tongue?" Matt demanded._

_"I couldn't really hear him properly," she replied finally. "Everyone was talking in the background..."_

_"If he's gone off on some bloody wild goose chase, I'll have him!" _

_"Maybe if you had given him something more worthwhile to do than going through all those old files..."_

_Matt glared at her, "We've already had this argument, Sergeant, and I don't bloody well intend to have it again! Now if he gets in touch, you better let me know."_

_"Or what?" she retorted._

_"Or, you'll find yourself out on your ear alongside him, regardless of..." Matt broke off._

_Christina stared at him, "Regardless of what?"_

_He turned away, "Never mind, just find him!"_

**2009**

The phone rang out a good ten times before Ian answered and Christina felt her heart sink at the sound of his voice. "Ian."

"Thanks for calling me back," he said, and she could hear the relief. "After what you said at the station, I didn't think you would."

"Believe me, I didn't want to," she replied, glancing at Matt's closed door. "Have you heard about Ryan McDonald?"

"I know he's dead if that's what you mean."

"Do you know anything about it?" There was a long silence and she wondered if he had hung up. "Ian?"

"I'm still here," he said. "Look, can we do this face to face? I could meet you somewhere."

"Where?"

"Your place?"

"No," she replied quickly. "Somewhere public is better. I'll meet you at the Botanic Gardens at..." she checked her watch quickly... "three o'clock?"

"Fine," he replied. "I'll be there."

XXXX

Matt watched from his office as she put the phone down and then made her way to his door. "Come in," he said, on her knock.

"I've arranged to meet Ian at the Botanic Gardens at three," she said, "I'll see what he can tell me."

"Good. Chris...wait..." he said, as she made to turn away. "I'm..." she looked at him pointedly. "You used to look at me like that a long time ago."

She sighed and closed the door over behind her. "You don't know what it was like for us the last time Ian was here. Him being part of that church, almost getting himself killed...it really affected Michael. Ian ran away from the church at one point and Michael thought he had made him see some kind of sense, only for him to go running back again. At one point we even thought he might be the killer!"

"That must have been hard."

"Him disappearing after it was all over and done with didn't help matters either. Just seeing him earlier made me feel so..." she shook her head. "Angry."

"I can understand it must be difficult for you," Matt said softly, "but he's potentially a good source of information."

"I know. I didn't mean to..."

"Neither did I."

"All right then," she said, and a look of mutual understanding passed between them.

"I was...playing about online," he changed the subject, "and this place on West Campbell Street, Red Onion, looks quite nice. I thought perhaps..."

"Sounds fine."

"Right. I'll book it then."

"Ok," she said. "I'd better..."

"Yeah, yeah, go on." He watched as she left the office and thought, not for the first time, how truly complicated this all could be.


End file.
